I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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