we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
