I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this boner is exhausting
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
