Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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