I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
