The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
