fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
