thus making me awesome and them whores
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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