I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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