Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
