Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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