Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
