Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
