the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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