ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
