I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
