She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
