I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
