I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
