sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
