My nipple is on Facebook.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
