Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
