All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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