Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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