my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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