I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
