yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
