He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
BRING THE BAGELS
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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