Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
