shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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