I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
birth control should be required to get into college
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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