Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
