i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
