He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
