this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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