I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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