Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
