just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
