I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
