Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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