bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
