well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
