I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
