I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
