how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
