Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
