I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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