If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
