woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
