Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
