I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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