i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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