My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
