Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize