There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
