I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
being pregnant is like rehab
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
