Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
pray to the hookup gods
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
