i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Someone came in the potted fern
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize