When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
