shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize